broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
