she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
