Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
What drink are we having for lunch?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
