I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
