You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
