Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
