There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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