Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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