Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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