There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
