Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
