I look better un-naked...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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