The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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