I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize