Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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