$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
