I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
