How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
