I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
