just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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