Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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