There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
