why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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