watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
