Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
