I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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