Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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