she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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