I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
