Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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