yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
