Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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