I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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