SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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