So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
