WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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