my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
