i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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