So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
