dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
