I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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