Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
