i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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