A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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