You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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