either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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