I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
