k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
