That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
