you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
