how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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