Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i think i have two assholes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
