i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
