Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
