I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
