What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
