He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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