honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
