can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
