god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
