Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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