I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
