I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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