I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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