____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
