I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
