Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
