he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
