are you still at the devil's house?
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
