I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
