No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
