i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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