You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
