Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize