Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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