I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
