I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
