Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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