Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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