As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
two words...techno handjob
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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