Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
