Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
