you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
