Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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