We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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