Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
