She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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