i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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