marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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