I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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