the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
