How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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