I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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