i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
