Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
