I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
