my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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