I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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