I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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