if only i could text you this smell
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
